Thoughts of the morning

You know I woke up this morning remembering when my wife went out on our first date. We had been talking online for months and had become very close. She was so innocent looking and cute I would not say I was stricken the moment I met her, but our conversation seemed to just work.

You may ask what this has to do with domination and submission well my first sexual thought came when she got up to go to the restroom. Her jean skirt was pressed ever so tightly to her ass I have never asked, but I am 100% sure she was wearing a thong. The thought that came to my head was that I would really love to bend her over my knee and spank her ass! It was not that I was upset with her in fact quite the opposite I was very attracted to her, but I still wanted to spank her ass to add some color to her cheeks.

So what has taken so long to come to the point where I am actually living out that first sexual dominant urge with my sub? I guess we were just not ready I was not ready to take the risk of her not understanding what I wanted could you imagine what would have happened if it had occurred on our first date? If I drove to someplace secluded put her over my knee hiked her skirt up to her waste and started alternating between rubbing and spanking her ass? After our session the other day I wonder if I would have received a negative reaction could be we would be way ahead of where we are now, but I regret nothing.

I knew that I loved her from our first meeting and after our first month I thought I loved her with everything that I had. I am not sure how, but I love her more now than I thought I had the capacity to love anyone. I know we own each other’s hearts and souls and now I am working on owning her body and mind too.

amazing

I loved it. The spanking. I can't wait for more.
I want to hit the zone. I want to fly.
I know this will take a while, and I am not expecting anything right now. I know that it will most likly take more than R's hand.

I like that I was able to orgasm in a different position. We have only managed it once with me not being on my back (well other than today! lol).

I love that I squirt. It is an amazing release. BUT. It makes it difficult to play anywhere else. I do NOT want to come anywhere in public or anywhere it may be difficult to clean up. I have no idea if I am going to make a mess or not.

When's the next one? :D LOL

Umm Spanking good

We had a fun surprise session this morning and she received her first spanking. I love her reaction to the first swat instead of clenching or pulling away she pushed her ass back for more. On the third slap she made a low moan and I was hooked. I alternated a little bit between spanking her ass and playing with her wetness.

I did not do too much spanking the position was not that great, she was on her elbows and knees on the bed and I was kind of sitting behind her. I could not get good swings in, but her ass did take on a light shade of pink and at one point I could see my hand print. I also managed to get her to cum in this position I wanted to see how well it would work so that I could have her cum in different places.

My loving sub is a rain maker so when she cums for those of you who have not paid too much attention to the net in crude terms this means she squirts. On some occasions she almost explodes it is one of the sexiest things I have seen. I kind of have a plan of having her cum someplace other than in bed so her managing to cum on her knees and elbows means she does not have to be on her back.

I will leave her to comment about her thoughts and anything else she wishes to add, but so far I think this is a good start.

Number 2 did not occur

Well sometimes things happen in life and this was one of those times. We really did not get to do the planned lesson and a period got in the way. Not that it fully limits play, but there are emotional changes that are probably not good to play with at this early stage.

I guess that means a double session will be due soon. We purchased the book "Screw the roses, send me the Thorns" and I have to say I am enjoying this book a great deal it has a lot of insight and I think it is helping with my mind set. It is making me understand that the way I have felt all the time for a very long time is ok and well normal. I have always thought I had a deep and dark side, but it seems that I may well be a natural dominant.

My wife seems to be taking an interest in piercing and I becoming interested in it as well, but it will also take some time to for us to hit this point. I guess it still remains to see if we are compatible from a D&S style I suspect we will be.

So far I have refused to push, but I suspect that will change. I think I will slowly start to share some of the dirty thoughts in my head. My thoughts of using her for my pleasure and spanking her ass having her wear my mark and even more. I like the idea of Baby doll at my feet of her submitting of her fully becoming mine.

What are our limits I don’t think either of us have any clue, but I suspect we will find out, but I am enjoying the fact that she is interesting and willing to give herself to me.

Next Lesson

Is currently scheduled for Tuesday evening.
I called this one "To Serve" have a look below for the Lesson plan.

Lesson 2

(To Serve)

• Discuss what we are going to do
• Clean the sub
• Review Position (Present) New position (Gorean Usage)
• How to serve me (Present food, beverage) Feed sub Nachos or some form of finger food?
• Masturbate for me not to orgasm, but I want a show I want to see you wet and as close to cumming.
• We will pick out and watch a movie together with you at my feet

My thoughts

Well I started things very easy on purpose as I wanted to gradually brings things up.

I have planned 3 sessions in already and the next one will be a bit more along the lines of what one would expect.

Little dissapointed I somehow managed to lose half of the pictures taken due to a hardware mess up while attempting to transfer over the picture files. We somehow failed to do the pose today, but we will make up for it next time.

Over all I am ok with how things went I think I need to warm up a bit next time.

Session 1 - My take

Getting things started

• Discussion on what we are going to do

Went over lesson

• Discuss what you what you are comfortable with rewards, punishment, and what is expected. What will help with the mood? Do you wish to be called something? Slut, pet, baby doll

Punishment

Spank – exam – it will still hurt, even though it may feel good

Emotional is more affective. Disappointing R.

Rewards

Praise and positive reinforcement

Back rub, pampering

What is expected

Need a cue – will be start of session – when we obtain collar, this will most likely be our cue

Doesn’t have to happen at home

Mood

Set music

What if I am not in the mood for scene? Should I work through it and do it anyways? Which is what is suggested? Do it, although there will be exceptions (ill, or maybe have 1 get out of jail free card a month)

Names

Me - Pet, Naughty Kitten, Kitten,

R -

• Discuss dress for sessions

Collar (when we get one), pantyless,

• Positioning (Present)

Legs slightly apart

Chest out, stomach in

Hands behind back or behind neck (tbd)

• Clean the sub

Before or after (may set the tone, or may be needed for cleanup)

• If we have communications issues then we will probably set down rules for a written discussion.

So far so good

• Update the blog on your thoughts and feelings after session.

I feel that the session went well. It was somewhat tamer than what I thought would happen. I am very comfortable with what we discussed. I am looking forward to our next session.

Pictures still to be done:

• Mild bondage hands behind back
• Pictures

Present, restraints

These will be posted once they have been taken and edited.

Lesson 1 Training

Getting things started
• Discussion on what we are going to do
• Discuss what you what you are comfortable with rewards, punishment, and what is expected. What will help with the mood? Do you wish to be called something? Slut, pet, baby doll
• Discuss dress for sessions
• Positioning (Present)
• Mild bondage hands behind back
• Pictures
• Clean the sub
• If we have communications issues then we will probably set down rules for a written discussion.
• Update the blog on your thoughts and feelings after session.

Some links I have found

For now, this is a list of sites that MAY prove to be promissing. For now, this is where I am going to keep links that I want to look at more closely. Eventually, we will create a side bar that has links that we feel has the most valuable information for US. This does not mean they are the best for you.

Submissive Loving - BDSM Couple

Spicy Relationships - Being Dominant

Spicy Relationships

All Experts - BDSM

Sub Culture - Reading List

Vanilla-Not

Submissive Reflections - Blog

Spanking Bethie - Blog

Leather and Roses

CollarMe

More to come

Well we did some more talking yesterday and came up with a few things. I think we are going down the right track and we can only cross our fingers and keep at it like we have been.

Both of us have done a decent bit of research and She thinks that she may be a spacific type of sub. At this stage I am in agreement, but it is still early to say fully for sure. Basically she would be a Soft Submissive here is a link to a Soft Dominatrix def in the urban dictionary.

For research I have found a few places and so has she. I tend to find that one cannot apply 100% of anything from any site and some sites are very limited. One of the issues is that everyone is different and to be effective in a relationship I think that one has to adapt. Only the good places seem to say that in my mind.

Souls Haven
Domination Blog
Fetish Information Exchange
Sexuality.org
Wizdom pages

The last and so far the most helpful and fav place to go that will offer some people with advice.

Literotica forums

Dom is not the focus of what they do, but they seem to have a very active community.

MSN Conversation

Real says (9:13 AM):
Ohh and clarification. Is your worry not fully about giving up control, but the challange of giving up control to me because of our established relationship and what you are used to?
Baby Doll says (9:14 AM):
bit of both
Real says (9:15 AM):
Ok I thought about it at night and realized I missed that part. In some ways it is easier with a new element.
Real says (9:15 AM):
As in a new or different person.
Baby Doll says (9:15 AM):
exactly
Baby Doll says (9:15 AM):
I also think that I am worried....because....you don't have any experience with this. I trust you, but I don't fully know that you know what you are doing. Does that make sense?
Real says (9:17 AM):
It does love of mine and two new people is more of a challange than one. It also tends to lower your confidence in me.
Real says (9:17 AM):
One never really knows until one tries.
Real says (9:17 AM):
You can always try an online dom if it does not fly.
Baby Doll says (9:18 AM):
I don't know if I could do that
Baby Doll says (9:18 AM):
although, I am wondering about training with someone....like you and me, and someone else
Baby Doll says (9:18 AM):
but again, I don't know if I could do that
Real says (9:19 AM):
Love of mine one never knows things in advance. To be honest I know it is not going to be a quick thing. Anything worth having never is. I think we can do it on our own, but I do not know that for sure until I try.
Real says (9:19 AM):
I am doing a crap load of research and to be honest I have done it without having a clue what I was doing before.
Real says (9:20 AM):
She had never done it before either and it worked.
Baby Doll says (9:20 AM):
I think part of the problem I am having is the labels
Real says (9:20 AM):
Probably worked too well in some ways.
Real says (9:20 AM):
Labels? you mean titles as in what to call people?
Baby Doll says (9:21 AM):
like Dom. sub, scene. I think if we just rolled with it, and I do'nt think of you as a Dom, it will be easier
Real says (9:23 AM):
Sure we can so give it a go and see what pops out. The mental aspect seems to be the hardest in this thing. There is a seriouse preconcieved notion of leather and metal.
Baby Doll says (9:23 AM):
both of which I do enjoy lol

Losing control

Losing control is always hard and scary the first time around. Nothing in life is ever guaranteed, but I do not expect over night changes. Nobody can change overnight and in the end I truly do not want you to change. I love you the way you are. What we are doing is play adding something to our intimate life if it works it works, if it does not work the first time, but is something you are willing to try we will try again. Who knows it might not be something that works for me and I might be the one calling uncle. We have been through a great deal together in 7 years and I cannot see going through something like this with anyone else.

I am not sure if you can give up control, but this is something that we will find out together. We could start by negotiating before the session and discussing what will occur. In the end as the bottom you are always in control and can always end the scene I will think no less of you for stopping things.

If we are both in the mood this weekend let’s talk about the first time and I will go over what the plan is. To be honest the first time will be mostly discussion. If you want I can provide you with what I am thinking of going over with for our first session and you can have time to think about it.

After looking and thinking about it if you feel you are not ready then you are not ready and that is that. We can discuss if you want me to bring up the subject again or if I should leave it alone and wait to hear from you about it or we should just shelve it forever. I am so sorry for not seeing this earlier.

Scared

So. I am scared. I don't know how to do this. I think part of it is that I worry about our relationship. We have been together for 7 years and are just starting to explore this. I worry about what will happen. I worry that by doing this, and if it doesn't work, it will alter our relationship. That we won't be able to go back if we need to.
I am scared that I can't do this. I am afraid to let go, to not be in control. I hate not being in control. I am scared that I will freak out.

Funny!

So...
Real and I did some fooling around this morning, after he shaved me, and I decided that I wanted to wear my Ben-Wa Balls.
I stood up and had to quickly yell for him, as the balls promptly fell out! I managed to catch them with my thighs, but I needed some help just incase they dropped.
So, lesson learned: Don't wear them right after having sex! lol

Update

Well...I realize that I forgot to update on here! lol

Real and I had a chat....and we have decided that as mentioned we needed to sit down and talk.
We discussed some of my fears, and we have decided to set aside specific times, rather than random. We have no been able to as Real has been sick and neither of us really wants to play while he is all snotty! :D
Love you baby!

It has been a while and I thought I posted last

Well it has been a while since I posted and things have not fallen off track, but seems that life got in the way a bit sickness and all of that.

I have a plan to get us back on track and no you are not setting the rules, but you need to know the rules and times need to be set. With that in mind I am in the process of putting together a schedule and a training plan.

It was bad on me to not put as much effort into this as I do in everything else I do, but needless to say this now has my attention and will receive proper devotion and work so that we can enhance what is already there.